Last year there were so many changes in my life, many of which were not welcomed, that I struggled to keep up. At times everything seemed so overwhelming, but I had (and still have) an amazing support network around me that I found my way through and felt that I was going into 2017 stronger than ever.
On the contrary this year I feel as if everything come to a halt like I'm sitting in a traffic jam. Part of me has been becoming increasingly frustrated that I'm not reaching my desired destination, while the other part is enjoying the rest that comes with falling into a new routine. 2017, it seems, is a year of contradictions.
I am loving being back at home and enjoy spending much of my free time with mum. I no longer feel that I have lost my independence by moving back into my childhood home and I have accepted that it is highly unlikely that I will be able to afford my own home. Yet I am still plagued with thoughts of my dream home and how I would decorate and furnish it. To placate this feeling I have been working on making my own space as 'me' as possible.
Work is still a pleasant distraction for me. I enjoy the variety that my role provides. I can hardly believe I've been there over two years and being part of a small team again reminds me of how I felt when I first started at Tropical ten years ago. I feel at home and the team are my work family. I still have much to learn and the thought of a new challenge keeps me enthusiastic on the days when pouring over spreadsheets numbs my soul.
The other aspect of my life that has always been a constant is my guiding. That is probably the biggest change of the year when I think about it. For the first time since becoming a volunteer, I am not attached to a unit. It is both liberating and saddening at the same time. I feel guilty for saying this, but I don't miss it. I do yoga on Mondays and in the New Year I'll be at running club on Tuesdays and choir on Wednesdays. Saying no to being with a unit has meant that I can say yes to giving myself an evening to rest once a week. I am currently feeling very conflicted about whether I am giving enough of myself to Girlguiding at the moment and it's new territory for me. It's something I know I need to explore further and discuss with fellow volunteers.
Overall I guess you could say that the biggest change for me this year is my new-found acceptance of the turn I have taken on life's path. I am sure my counselling sessions have had a lot to do with this. Now it is the change for 2018 that I am excited for and as I feel increasingly more in control of the things that are to come, I can continue to accept what has already happened. No one knows what the future hold and for the most part our destiny is ours to shape. That is where the fun lies and I looking forward to moulding a future that may not be what I originally planned, but is certainly one that I want and love.
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